Chuck Norris Makes Onions Cry

29 May

Chuck Norris Pancreas will take your liver down.

Chuck Norris Pancreas.

I was looking for the perfect joke, the one comparing Chuck Norris to an angry pancreas, but alas, I was sorely disappointed to find there were none. SO, I open the floor to you, friends. Can you come up with a Chuck Norris Fact that suits our bad pancreases?

I’m now at Month 8 post surgery. ¬†Unfortunately for the past four months or so I have been dealing with something a bit unexpected.

Chuck Norris Pancreas beat the crap outta my liver.

It is called a cholangitis. Essentially, they realized when they got inside of my stomach that my duct from my liver was especially narrow. To be precise “the narrowest” my doctor had ever seen. (Joy!) Which, at the time, he thought might just resolve itself, but is anything ever really that easy when it comes to me? No. You’d have thought the 50+ medications I turned out to be allergic to would have proved that.

So, it started with a rash we thought was from a laundry detergent. Then sporadic unsorceable stabbing pains under my rib cage on the right side. Pains that would not subsist save for lying flat on my back for days at a time. Pains that knocked me off my feet and left me crying on the floor. Pains no one could explain. Then almost a month later, 104 degree fever landed me in the emergency room, and then the hospital for 3 days. No one had any answers.

Until I saw my doctor two weeks later. Cholangitis (a liver infection) he said. Of course he said. In the hospital? He said. If I were in town I would have sent you home on antibiotics. No hospitalization necessary he said.


So, I’ve had two flare ups, one month apart, and they are treated with heavy rounds of antibiotics. Then my doctor put me on actigal, a drug which should thin the liver secretions enough to make it through the narrow scarred up little duct, and so far it has been a glorious three months since the last flare up.

In all fairness I was told I was trading one set of problems for another. And I was/am fine with that. Anything to have my life back.

One Response to “Chuck Norris Makes Onions Cry”

  1. Vickie Ferns September 15, 2013 at 1:22 am #

    sorry removing your pancreas caused cholangitis–I have that virtually permanently–I’ve been in pain for 16 years–at one point they thought it might be chronic pancreatitis and due to that I have made friends with people who have that, some of them have had the surgery you have had—instead a few months ago after three surgeries –two I didn’t need, I have been diagnosed with secondary scelorising cholangitis. A liver transplant is the only way to fix this but when I will get it I don’t know–its a combination of how sick I am with how damaged my liver is. I have been treated really badly by docs down the years because my tests have shown very little which means they decided it was nerve pain and due to changes to our health system 12 years ago, my family doctors were telling me I couldn’t go to hospital in severe pain–its a long story. I was born with a liver condition and have had 7 surgeries altogether. I hope you feel a lot better now–unfortunately I am on permanent high dose antibiotics and still get cholangitis. 1500mg amoxicillin 3 times a day and metronidazole 400mg x 3. I have IV antibiotics when the pain is severe.

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